Category Archives: Ryan Gosling

Shaving

Should probably shave, I thought, grazing the hair on my face that never resembled a beard, but instead some bedraggled cat holding on for dear life. No, the hairs on my face rarely sculpt me into a sexy, rather hipster-ish Ryan Gosling look-a-like, but instead an unshaven bum.

So I retreated to the bathroom with my Neutrogena shaving kit and disposable razor pack (CVS; $4.99). The sink encrusted with spittle-mixed-tooth-paste, the mirrors streaked with the same concoction in patterns reminiscent of some Jackson Pollock painting.

Shaving is men’s equivalent to dyeing his hair. We arise fresh, awoken, somehow new. Certainly, we look different, sometimes more childish, sometimes more handsome. Either way, we come out of the experience different and cleansed. The feeling fades just as does that familiar Sunday Morning vibe that fizzles out once we smack into Monday and decide, well, why not try meth?

I finished and put down the razor, inspecting myself. Sometimes, when you look in a mirror, it’s strange—you don’t recognize your own face because you hardly ever see it. So that’s it? That’s how people see me? Ah, well, it does look better shaven. Maybe I’ll feel a little different, a little new.

What is considered UNmanly?

We all know what might be considered manly (Chuck Norris, Daniel Day Lewis, and films about war), but what exactly does it mean to be UNMANLY? Because I am so oft labeled thus, I’d like to explore exactly what that term constitutes.

I could... probably achieve that.

Does it mean that I don’t “lift weights,” but instead attend Pilates classes? (Ok, fine, it’s Yoga…. Ok, FINE! Yoga on Wii Fit… Just leave me alone OKAY! I admit, it’s actually table tennis on Wii Fit, so just stop judging me, please!)

Maybe being unmanly means eating healthy cereal like Special K or some other granola-based barf disaster. Granted, painting my toenails and joining a ballet company… but wait, have you guys SEEN male ballerinas? They’re more fit than Rugby players. So maybe ballet IS manly? Because think about it, you spend all day with beautiful women in tights. Yet society seems to point to other adjectives when describing a male ballet dancer. It doesn’t make much sense.

Okay, maybe plucking your eyebrows still lies in the UNMANLY camp of activities, but other things that used to be considered effeminate have become more… well, manly.

What’s the big deal with being manly, anyways? I mean, so I don’t smoke cigars and wrestle bears, but why should I? I’m sure given the right occasion, I might put a grizzly in a choke-hold, but unless it’s attacking me, why would I ever attempt to do that? The quest to be manly evolved from when men went to war. I mean, all men went to war. There was no military to speak of, so when America needed to fight a war, it enlisted every man. Farmers and merchants and blacksmiths and horse riders. They took boys as young as 14, handed them a gun, and pushed them onto the battlefield.

Think on a Civil War battlefield where these men are strewn across the grass. Every grass blade sports flecks of blood, the corpses piled over each other. You can see by the position of the bodies that the battle lasted long. Three hours. But the boys kept running out, fighting. They kept fighting. And it was not as if either armies harbored disdain for each other– only months before, they had been countrymen. Yet now confronted with what they were told was the enemy, they fought. They killed.

They shot and stabbed each other and kept trying to do so simply because if not, these boys would look unmanly in front of their friends. To not fight was the coward’s way. It was each boy’s duty to fight and if he fled, he could never overcome that act of unmanliness, that betrayal of honor.

It was pointless. Wars fought for the same reason men today still choose to pile more weights onto a barbell if they’re lifting in front of their friends. There is a certain spark in some people that will encourage them to lay down their lives for a war. Others do so because they cannot do otherwise and continue to live with masculinity intact.

 

EXACTLY What You’re Looking For

A post from Lorna’s Voice (found here: http://lornasvoice.wordpress.com/2011/10/01/imagine-the-disappointment/) inspired me to create the PERFECT blog post. My blog has been found through a variety of search methods, pictures of otherwise. So in this single blog, I intend to culminate everyone’s deepest desires. Blog readers, this is what you’ve been looking for, so I’m giving it to you.

First off, my personal favorite search is Ryan Gosling, which tends to attract about 300 viewers a week on average. You do one post on Ryan Gosling and suddenly… people read your blog. I swear, it works. So, if you’re scouring the internet for “Ryan Gosling,” “Ryan Gosling hair,” or “Ryan Gosling abs,” this blog is for you!

People seem to love “Harry Potter” too and everything related including “pictures of Gringotts,” “Cartoon Hermione Harry Potter naked,” and “Harry Potter tattoo timeline”:

At least five people would like to see a “swamp ghost alligator”:

Many people looked up variants of “Wilfred the dog smoking pot”

Too many people look for pictures of a “Golgi apparatus”

I fully support looking for a “glorious mustache”

About 26 people just want to see “v-neck,” and then maybe 56 people would like to see a “deep v-neck” or “super deep v-neck.” Are you one of those people? You’re welcome.

Sorry, I can’t show you pictures of “Phoenix Pride nude” here, whoever she is.

And like seriously, over 50 people have searched “the F word”

What draws eyes most to my blog???

*cue drum roll*

people looking for pictures of janitors. Seriously. I’m that boring, apparently. Mention just once that you work as a janitor and suddenly… you’re held to high regard. Hm…

What??!?!? You were just googling Derek Berry? Well, refer to all other blog posts, dear readers. Read on.

On Soul Mates

Review: Crazy, Stupid, Love

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