If Only Writing Burned More Carbs…. Now It Can!

We’ve all heard of writer’s block, an infamous virus that comes and goes, stealing plot ideas, murdering muses, and suffocating creativity. But a far worse condition wreaks the lives of writers, something so dreadfully horrible none dare speak of it: Writer’s Butt.

It’s actually been SCIENTIFICALLY proven that spending long hours of the day sitting in a cushy chair with a laptop “writing” (reading blogs and watching youtube videos of cats), makes you a tad wider ’round the waist. I mean, writing exercises are not exercises like lifting weights or jogging is an exercise. It may improve some things, but at the end of the day, even if you can write really sappy love stories and make them believable, you still won’t have a girlfriend.

So, here are some helpful tips to keep off those horrible extra pounds and keep your writing on pace.

1.) Write at the gym

This is a pretty simple write-workout compromise. While at the gym, write on your laptop, though the bouncing from the ellipticals may make that extremely difficult. If you’re going hiking, consider bringing along your IPod to jot down nature-inspired lines.

2.) Laptop Squats

Laptops make great weights. While writing, do squats with your laptop held above your head. Also can be used as a discus or Wii Move Pad.

3.) Pencil lifts

Sometimes lifting a pencil to begin a story can feel like intense weight training. Maybe it can be. Think of your pencil as a mini-barbell. Maybe lifting it to write thousands of stories, you may really build up some bulky biceps.

4.) Running=Ideas

Many great writers have been known for their abusive drinking, but that’s not the only way to inspire creativity. Running helps too.

Aerobic exercises push a lot more oxygen through your body and it’s a great time to work through those pesky plot holes you’ve encountered.

5.) The Three Sentence Dash

Between every three sentences you write, run down your driveway and back. Write three more. Repeat.

6.) Yoga apparently is Sort of Like Meditation which is sort of also just like sitting in front of your laptop

Sitting in front of your laptop trying to muster ideas can be better spent doing yoga and trying to come up with ideas. It’s like meditating for your poetry, for your stories. Maybe a lot of great poetry exists in Nirvana.

How do you write, yet still stay fit? Share some ideas here!

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About Derek Berry

Derek Berry is a novelist and spoken word poet. Derek is the author of Heathens and Liars of Lickskillet County (PRA Publishing, 2016). He co-founded and organizes The Unspoken Word, a literary non-profit based out of Charleston, SC, which provides an intendent home for the poetic arts through regular readings, workshops, and community fundraisers. He is on the Executive Board of the Charleston Poetry Festival, the inaugural production of which will be Fall 2017. His work has appeared in The Southern Tablet, Cattywampus, Charleston Currents, Illuminations, RiverSedge, and other journals.He has performed in venues across the United States and Germany. He has worked as a photographer’s assistant, busboy, and bookseller. He currently works at a curation facility for Cold War History.

Posted on July 19, 2011, in Berry, Blogging, books, Derek, novel, Poetry, publishing, Random, Word Salad, writer, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Oh, this is funny stuff! My cushy chair has a Lorna-sized butt indentation that wouldn’t stump CSI-school drop-outs. Your post hits the nail and muffin-top right on the head!

    I read that it has been scientifically proven that if you think about doing a certain exercise (let’s say 1000 sit-ups), your muscles in that area will strengthen. That’s how I excercise–mind over matter. That and Scrappy gets walked A LOT.

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