5 Stupid Things Teenagers Do (And Adults Are At Fault)

Kids today are just so darn stupid. They don’t have the common sense that their grandparents had back when they walked to school up hill both ways. Barefoot. Five miles. You know, back in “the good ole days?”

Well, I understand that we children get mighty annoying sometimes. We can be found loitering in large supermarkets and working the cash registers too. We wander the streets at night, staring in at bars that once we’re 21, we’ll think we’re too cool to enter.

For the sake of reliving stupidity, I’d like to catalog it. Here are five stupid things adults complain about teenagers doing. Like the subjects in those late night specials on 20/20. Could your thirteen year old daughter be having an affair with a creepy old man in Maine? Well, maybe.

1.) Take Meth

With so many good drugs out there, it still blows my mind that a teen would take up such a dangerous and detrimental drug such as meth. I mean, consider marijuana. In a lot of states, that drug is used as a medicine. So for teens to take meth over safer and “cooler” drugs doesn’t really make sense. But they still do it.

Adults, unfortunately, endorse this habit by selling the meth to kids. Then again, maybe kids make meth too. I’m not really an expert on its creation. But I can warn you of the signs. If your child is making straight A’s in his chemistry class, you know he has to be cooking something lethal in your basement.

2.) Get Tattoos with the names of boyfriends/girlfriends

What says “lovers forever” better than something permanent? Besides on the wall of a loo, the most romantic place to put a lover’s name is on your body. Preferably not right above your butt crack, because that place is reserved for your own name. Instead, I suggest across your forehead or maybe chest. If you really loved her, you know where you should put. Oh, you know. If you really loved her…

And I can’t tell you how many adults I see also with tattooed names. Maybe these are artifacts from their youth, a solid piece of evidence that every generation is embedded with a gene of stupidity.

3.) Use words that aren’t real

“LOL” for kids. Text words that to adults make no sense.

“Avarice” for adults. Apparently, adults like to flaunt words they learned for the SAT. Whatever that is.

4.) Take pictures of their genitals and send it to others via text

Only real amateurs go this route. “Sexting” is uber-lame and wimpy. If you really want attention, skip the manual effort of sending a candid of your penis to everyone of your contacts.

Just upload it straight to the internet. Then, everyone will be able to scrutinize your genitalia. It’s the best way to go. If a girl wants the entire school body to see her breasts, she doesn’t need to waste texts sending every guy a picture with the fake follow-up text, “Sorry, I was drunk last night- please delete that!” No, she can just streak at a football game or… let the internet champion her nudity. Facebook is perfect for this. Sexting is time-consuming and SO 2010.

But of course, adults do this too, with far larger implications. Think of what happened to poor Wiener.

Bonus, bonus points if your lover’s name is tattooed there!

5.) The Music Industry.

I’ve heard enough about how much my generation has ruined what people deem as “music.” We’ve twisted it, pumped it full of sugar, and bastardized it beyond what one could call an art. Ex: Justin Bieber, any singer jump-started by The Disney Channel. Well, mind you, teenagers are lemmings. Teenagers are fashion/trend/music zombies, praising whatever passes their ears or lips or eyes. Whatever you tell us is fantastic, we think fantastic. Tell us to buy CDs, we buy them.

Teenagers, however, do not own the Disney Channel or the music industry. We do not dole out millions for someone to roll around a stage with a wheelchair in a mermaid costume. So, I think we know whose fault this particular tidal wave of crappy music is.


Humans adopt their genes from the parents of the species and continue to grow as a species each time two adults reproduce. Stupidity is an essential nucleic acid that has been passed through our DNA since the first time a caveman played with sparks. Since young Lancelot jousted drunk. Since Leonardi Da Vinci strapped wings to his arms and leaped off the balcony.

Stupidity is inherent, so embrace it.


2 thoughts on “5 Stupid Things Teenagers Do (And Adults Are At Fault)

  1. You forgot that in the good old days, we trudged to school in the snow–even in summer.

    Great post–I really liked the stuff about tatoos. Clever writing, my friend!

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