Hollywood killed cool. Things that used to be cool are now considered “cliche” or even by some playground bullies “gay.” What used to be very manly is now considered a joke. So, this blog is a memorial to what used to be cool, what used to make people wonder and now makes people gag.
Cowboys: Take the prime example of this: cowboys. Cowboys used to be awesome, riding along out in the Wild West, gun-slinging, and fighting bad guys. But then movies like The Wild Wild West came out starring Will Smith, turning cowboys into a huge joke. And after Brokeback Mountain, being a cowboy has become synonymous with having sex with the same sex. Sure, maybe it was more realistic to look at how lonely it could be out there on a ranch with loads of guys, but what about The Lone Ranger? What about The Man Without a Name? We should think back to the days when Clint Eastwood ruled the West, not Jake Gyllenhaal.
Astronauts: NASA just stopped sending bottle rockets with people inside into space. Why? Because no one wants to be an astronaut after hearing the truth. The problem with Hollywood is that it destroys the veneer of glamour in the lives of the glamorous, like cowboys and movie stars.
Knights: They were chivalrous and cool guys, saving damsels and slaying dragons. I blame this downgrade from cool completely on Mark Twain and Monty Python. King Arthur is now a joke- I mean, there’s a Sonic video game based off of him and his knights.
Movie Stars/Celebrity: There’s no telling how many films are produced boo-hooing the pitfalls of fame. Look, if you’re multi-billionaire and you’re lonely, you’ve got serious problems. It used to be, if you were cool and famous… you were cool and famous. Now Hollywood must catalog the problems of celebrities as if we care. Oh, should I feel sorry for you because you wreck cars and do heroin? No, not really, when you’re only job is to get naked for cameras. Really, famous people have it really hard, don’t they? If there’s one thing I don’t want to be ruined, it’s that the American Dream is to get rich and alienate yourself from everybody with your riches.
CIA/assassins: Being in the CIA is cool, no matter what. I do not want any more films depicting the hardships of broken-up assassins. Or of the family problems of super spies. What I want to see if James Bond kick Russian butt. I want being an assassin to be cool, not something morally conflicting.
Drug Dealers: I’m talking to you, Darenn Aronosky. With movies like Reqieum For a Dream, we found out that dealing drugs can send you to jail. And you’ll feel bad for it. What would Scarface say?
What else has Hollywood ruined? What used to be romanticized has become miniaturized. People who used to seem like heroes are now just normal people. We’ve ruined the hope to be hopelessly cool in the future. Even if we become cowboys.