Dear “Whomever it may concern”:
Although I know that “in this current economy,” the printed medium is losing face and money and prominence, I assure you that you need to hire me. No matter what your publication is interested in, I am sure I could be a great fit to your standards. Even if your magazine is about knitting patterns or cats, I’ll write for you, just please, I’d like a writing job.
I know I don’t even have a degree in Journalism or in English, but that fact should just be the first shred of proof that I am capable of making good decisions. My off-the-wall writing and taboo topics could fit perfectly into the centerfold of any family or pornography magazine. It doesn’t matter who you are, as long as I get to put my name on glossy pages.
Here is my resume (complete with original artwork) which might sway you:
Two-time champion narwhal-wrestler
Writes a hilarious blog that makes people laugh
Is a boyscout and can tie knots (which may come in handy)
Can sing reasonably okay if you’re tone deaf in more than one ear
Knows many big words and can use thesaurus if more big words are needed
Can speak German (or at least get by)
Also writes poetry, and poets are just fun to have around
Seriously, I can tie SEVEN different knots
Just give me a chance, knitting/cat/boating/household/dirty magazine. I’ll write you up a windstorm of good stories. Just pay me for it.
A Writer and Blogger