Literary Wars: Fang Face Off

Anne Rice, the queen of literary vamps, recently dissed the Twilight series, saying she’s sorry that teens must be submitted to such drivel.

Sounds like a vamp showdown is about to begin. Because I’ve read both series, I think it’s fair enough for me to judge between them. Let us compare their lead vampires: Edward Cullen and Lestat de Lioncourt.

Edward Cullen, the sparkly pretty boy vampire, lives in Forks, Washington with his dainty, annoying wife Bella. Because he’s a wimpmonster, he prescribes to a “veggie-vampire” diet, which means he doesn’t eat people. Just animals. While PETA might not see the difference, Cullen feels he is a great moral example. This vampire and his vampire (the Cullen Clan) are the creation of Stephanie Meyers, now an international celebrity.

Before the Cullens came Lestat and Louie, vampires from Anne Rice’s the Vampire Chronicles, most famous Interview with the Vampire. Lestat is an immoral megalomaniac who not only has killed humans with abandon but has also drank the blood of the vampire queen and once even switched bodies with a human so he could have normal sex again.

This is from the vamp who claimed, “I’m a ruthless dude.”

Even as a mortal, he killed an entire pack of wolves and survived. Only to be killed later by a vampire. Darn it! Lestat, surely, is the star of Anne Rice’s literary endeavors.

Both vampires are extremely popular, but who is better? Let’s get down to it.

1.) Bad Ass-ery

Edward Cullen cares abotu humans and sparkles in the sun. He plays baseball.

Lestat eats people’s hearts out. While other vampires of his universe fry, he just gets a slight tan in the sun. He even did the nasty with the original vampire, the Vampire Queen Akasha.

Winner: Lestat

2.) Romance

While Lestat is a nostalgic romance, nothing says “I love you” like creeping on a 17-year-old girl while she sleeps. Willing to kill himself for very cague moral reason, Cullen wins this one out. I mean, Twilight IS a love story, after all.

Lestat, however, has entertained many lovers, including the queen of the vampires. He does not, however, become easily attached.

Winner: Cullen

3.) Movie adaptations

Twilight grossed a whole lot of money, with Robert Pattinson portraying Edward. Although I personally prefer the film version of Interview with a Vampire (starring Brad Pitt as Louie and Tom Cruise as Lestat), the Twilight franchise wins simply because the world disagrees with me. Money speaks, so yes, maybe I’m mistaken.

Winner: Cullen

4.) Personality

Edward is a brooding, abstinent guy of a 117.

Lestat is a lover of life, who people refer to as “The Brat Prince.” Seriously? Lestat wins.

Winner: Lestat

5.) Origin Stories

Lestat dies because a mysterious and rebellious vampire named Mangus kidnaps him so he can continue his legacy. Before that, he became famous and feared for killing off an entire pack of wolves to save his village from their terror. After befriending a musician, he moves to London to become an actor. Soon after, he’s turned into a vampire, but that only helps his performance abilities.

Edward Cullen is turned after succumbing like a wimp to the Spanish influenza.

Winner: Lestat

6.) Who would win in a fight?

Edward Cullen has pretty great strength and can even stop a van with his fist that’s going maybe 20 mph. He can also crush marbles, apparently.

Lestat… would walk all over this guy. Not only can he also read minds, but he has consumed the strength of the Vampire Queen. Meaning he’s immortal. Really immortal, as in drive a stake through him, cut off his head… he’s coming back.

Honestly the Cullen boys doesn’t stand a chance. Even Claudia ( the baby vampire played by the young Kirstin Dunst in Interview) could beat him in a fight.

Winner: Lestat

So, is really the better vampire? Does Anne Rice really have room to speak?

VERDICT: LESTAT! AND YES, SHE CAN DEF TAKE DOWN MEYERS


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About Derek Berry

Derek Berry is a novelist and spoken word poet. Derek is the author of Heathens and Liars of Lickskillet County (PRA Publishing, 2016). He co-founded and organizes The Unspoken Word, a literary non-profit based out of Charleston, SC, which provides an intendent home for the poetic arts through regular readings, workshops, and community fundraisers. He is on the Executive Board of the Charleston Poetry Festival, the inaugural production of which will be Fall 2017. His work has appeared in The Southern Tablet, Cattywampus, Charleston Currents, Illuminations, RiverSedge, and other journals.He has performed in venues across the United States and Germany. He has worked as a photographer’s assistant, busboy, and bookseller. He currently works at a curation facility for Cold War History.

Posted on November 1, 2011, in Blogging, books, Controversy, Random, Theatre, Vampires, writer, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Nicely done, Derek. Do you ever worry that you know that much about vampires? 😉

  2. Ur slightly wrong about the origins of Lestat. He was made by a vampire named Magnus, not Marius. Marius is another vampire whom he chases later on, if U recall.

  3. I think I am in love with this post. I’m so pleased to see so many positive things about Lestat, and not so pleased to see positive things about Edward. I’m not bias merely because I’m a huge Rice fan; I just don’t understand why a vampire must sparkle in the sun, rather than burn to cinders. Meyers, forgive me, but she completely ruined the ideas of immortality for me with her sissy boy Cullen. But, as I said, I’m glad Lestat won this one :]

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