Of “Legal” Age: It’s my BIRTHDAY!!!!

I’m not really sure what the phrase “Of Legal Age” means, but I do know that now I am that. Yes, it’s my birthday. And I’m eighteen.

As I leave the realm of childhood behind, I will become an extremely mature young man who makes good decisions. Oh, who am I kidding? I spent last night watching Harry Potter and eating cookie dough. Whatever delusions I have of maturity were pretty much negated then. But honestly, I don’t care. Because at least under the law, I’m legal.

I can maybe get into clubs now, provided the clubs don’t serve alcohol, so basically, I can’t get into any clubs.

And if you’re bordering on the notion of subscribing, you should. You know, cause it’s the birthday! And also because I messed with the Header image so random pictures pop up. Yay! Randomness!

That’s what this post is, all it really is. Just a small collection of thoughts before I go do birthday things. Maybe I’ll come back and edit it a bit. Does that mean you should read it twice? Definitely. I have a sick obsession with tracking blog stats.

What does it mean for me to be eighteen? Well, let us figure that out, shall we?

1.) I can order things from infomercials.

2.) Buy cigarettes

3.) Serve Jury duty

4.) Rent a hotel room (in some states, though elsewhere you must be 21 or 25.)

5.) Go into strip joints

6.) Can’t drink, but CAN serve alcoholic drinks

7.) Can be sued

8.) Can open a bank account solitarily

9.) Can place bets

10.) Pawn things off at a pawn shop

11.) Purchase pornographic materials

12.) Buy a LOTTO TICKET!!

13.) Go to prison…

14.) Buy white out without parental consent

15.) Get a piercing without parental consent

16.) Get a tattoo without parental consent (I’m thinking a snitch on my chest?)

17.) Make a will (If I actually do get a tattoo or go to a strip club, I will need to make one of those)

18.) Change my name! (How does Humphrey McHumpbottom sound?)

19.) Participate on the Price is Right!

20.) Join the ARMY

21.) Buy lighter fluid

22.) Get married! WHAT? That can’t be right…

23.) Buy paint thinner

24.) Drink in the UK

25.) Buy a crossbow

26.) Participate in online surveys NOT targeted for those under 18

27.) Have legal sex

28.) Smoke a cigar and sheesha

29.) Feel awkward in “adult shops”

30.) Go to Dave and Buster’s without an adult

31.) Spray paint!

32.) Oh…. yeah…. and register to vote. But whatever, the important thing to remember here is that I can now legally purchase a crossbow. How cool…

About derekberry

Derek Berry is a novelist, poet, and student located in Charleston, SC.

Posted on November 13, 2011, in Childhood, Derek, writer, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. I think you should just follow :

    #14 – it could help you out when writing a term paper in college. In the event that you are on an old fashioned typewriter at the unisversity. ( gosh … those are anitques now ~~ : -O)

    #20 – this one could be an alternaive life changer.
    #32 – This will definitely be a life chager.

    Otherwise pass on the others- no sense in complicating your life with trouble.
    Actually, age 21 is more exciting.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many more …!!!
    Isadora

    • What’s a typewriter…?
      I’m just kidding. It’s one of those clunky contraptions I’ve never had to use because I’m only 18! But yes, there seem so many possibilities now. I mean, I can Participate in ONLINE SURVEYS!!! I’ll be doing it all day, smoking candy cigarettes and making myself a white-out tattoo. Because I’m just that mature.

  2. As you can see … I need white – out.
    LOLOLOL

  3. Everyone needs a crossbow! Just ask our oldest daughters, who watched Daddy rescue the next-door daycare from the pair of feral hogs that had charged into the neighborhood… Cops fussed about him “hunting” in town, but with two wild pigs dying in the front yard (and terrified kids still squealing next door) it was hard for them to protest too much. You, too, can now be a tattooed, voting Neighborhood Hero! Just be sure to get that will written before the wild hogs show up. You know, just in case. 😉
    Happy birthday!

  4. Happy Birthday! I was going to mention register to vote, but you made it last. Looks like you have many options available now. It’s funny I never did the two things I guess people do when they turn 18: buy cigarettes and a lotto ticket. Enjoy your new ‘adult’ behavior!

  5. Happy Birthday, you have many years of serving word salad ahead of you!

  6. Congratulations 🙂

  7. I see you have researched your options upon entering adulthood. Just remember, Humphrey, age is just a number; it’s how you use that number (as in the lottery tickets) that counts! Happy Birthday, my fellow Scorpio!

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