Females Irritate Me (Scratch that, Everyone Irritates Me)

Some women are insanely talented. Some are just wannabee pretenders who like to put on the show that they have a talent, when in fact, they do nothing right but complain about how no one appreciates their “talent.” They put females with real talent in a strange bunch.

I mean, Amelia could fly planes like a boss. Marie Curie was radioactively intelligent. And have you ever seen Hope Solo play football?

This post is not to demean women with insane amounts of talent. I’m fully aware that you exist. But all of your thunder is being stolen.

For some reason, every teenage girl thinks they’re incredibly good at something or maybe, several things. Like singing. Every girl fancies herself a beautiful singer with a naturally great voice. To herself, she sounds like Adele. To me, she sounds more like a concrete mixer. But they have grown up with their parents who love to lie to them and say, “Oh, you’re singing? Yay, honey! That’s beautiful.” No, it’s not at all beautiful. It’s annoying. Stop trying to sing soprano if you’re an alto. And stop being so pretentious about your so-called talent.

Photography is another hobby girls like to pretend to be good at, so guys will think them “Artsy” and other girls will think them “cute.” I work in a photography studio, so I’m not exactly uninformed about this. The only reason your pictures come up with stunning clarity and color are:

1.) You force your extremely attractive friends to model for you.

2.) Your daddy bought a camera that is worth more than his car.

3.) You learned how to use Photoshop.

Photoshop is not an art, I hope you realize. It is a very useful to know how to use Photoshop. Using it to turn your eyes color does not make you a talented photographer.

This goes for absolutely any art form. I’m not saying, don’t do it. I realize you might have a small smidgen of talent. You might even enjoy singing or acting or taking photographs or writing sappy love poems about your Ex. But don’t be so pretentious that you must subject us to your “talents.” Meaning, don’t sing non-stop just because you think you’re good. Don’t make us look through all your “abstract” paintings of dogs.

I know I sound like a complete jerk right now. I don’t doubt that plenty of teenage girls are great at a lot of things. But not every single person in the world is a genius. This goes to males as much as females, I suppose. Some people are simply adequate. And that should be enough.

I blame this idea on hipster culture. Teenagers’ need to uniquely define themselves have led them to take up cliched habits like the rest of their teenaged cohorts. Then, they pretend to be really good at something they do only to impress other people.

Alright, I am now finished ranting.

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About Derek Berry

Derek Berry is a novelist and spoken word poet. Derek is the author of Heathens and Liars of Lickskillet County (PRA Publishing, 2016). He co-founded and organizes The Unspoken Word, a literary non-profit based out of Charleston, SC, which provides an intendent home for the poetic arts through regular readings, workshops, and community fundraisers. He is on the Executive Board of the Charleston Poetry Festival, the inaugural production of which will be Fall 2017. His work has appeared in The Southern Tablet, Cattywampus, Charleston Currents, Illuminations, RiverSedge, and other journals.He has performed in venues across the United States and Germany. He has worked as a photographer’s assistant, busboy, and bookseller. He currently works at a curation facility for Cold War History.

Posted on February 29, 2012, in Controversy, Humor, Random and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I am a girl, and I loved this! 🙂

  2. You were only “slightly” worried how females would react, eh? You brave man! 😉

    My son (now 25) told me that the worse thing I told him was that he was capable of anything. When he went out into the world, he found out he was simply average and it took a while for him to get over the shock. I thought I was doing the right thing by boosting his self-image. Apparently not.

    No one told me I was extraordinary at anything and I’ve lived my life believing I’m nothing special. And I am nothing special. No better. No worse. Just different than others.

    We can’t be all the best at everything or even at anything. We can only be who we are and hopefully we find fulfillment in being…just being.

    Was that what you were trying to say? If so, maybe you could have highlighted that this is a human issue, not just a female one…

    • In girls more than guys (in teenagers), I’ve noticed a need to be good at many things. Though I suppose guys fancy themselves great at sports. Men are more egotistical about it. Deep down, they know they’re average, but beef themselves up for the sake of getting women. Most girls, however, believe in their own greatness for only their own benefit. Of course, I’m a wee bit biased.

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