Advice for Life (And Other Awkward Situations)
Some people love hearing themselves talk, so they give endless advice on things they hardly know anything about. I am one of such people, and so here is the best advice my feeble mind could scrounge up. Hopefully, by applying these simple rules to your life, you will live more fulfilled and more awesome.
1.) Before running a marathon, be sure to take a pre-run poop.
2.) If anyone calls you childish for watching the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie, give them an Indian Burn. That’ll learn ’em.
3.) When in public, for example on a train, do not listen to your music so loudly that anyone not attached to your earphones can hear the music. It’s annoying and rude.
4.) Never clean a CD in a circular motion. Start at the center and move to the outside with the cloth.
5.) If you suddenly get the idea to write your entire novel in second person, rethink that, because it might not work out. Then again, done right, this style can seem quite cool.
6.) Use Soap.
7.) If you cut your leg on a coral reef and the blood attracts sharks, get out of the water to avoid being eaten.
8.) Do not eat roadkill.
9.) When tuning a string instrument, try tuning up to the note. If you must tune down, tune too far down, then back up so the tension in the strings are taut.
10.) If you’re a skateboarder and can do really cool tricks, most people will believe you even better if you actually land these tricks instead of crashing into the cement.
11.) If you open up your eyes wide enough, you get to see colors like never before as if you haven’t noticed them.