Resume For A Job You Don’t Want
2005 B.A. in Art History, Phoenix University
2006 A Week of Yoga Classes
Perfected the “breathing position”
June 2005- August 2005 Entrepreneur
Operated and financed a local-run Lemonade Stand
- Manufactured lemonade
- Sold lemonade
- Hand-painted signs
November 2010-February 2011 Beer Brewer
Operated homemade brewery
- Manufactured Eagle Tears Brew beer, an All-American corporation
- Financed beer brewery from parents’ basement
- Did I mention it’s made of Eagle Tears?
March 2011-Present Couch Model
Volunteers at local Rent-a-Room modeling furniture
- Displays how one might look laying, sitting, sleeping, standing, or dancing on couches
- Acts out daily functions of potential couch users
- Test-runs furniture to insure safety about damage, bullet holes, wine spills, etc.
September 2005-October 2010 Sociological Research
Lived as “homeless” and “impoverished” as well as “unemployed” for sake of personal sociological research
- Life experience
- Educated in the “University of Harde Knocks”
- Can carve weapons from nearly any piece of trash
- Expert scavenger
March 1997 Grew Beard
First person in Freshman class of high school to grow facial hair
- Once performed for Mrs. Harris’ first grade class during recess
Can Beat Mario World 3 in Less than a Day
- For reference, call Tommy Hulligan. He didn’t think I could do it.
Posted on November 12, 2012, in Blogging, books, College, Controversy, Humor, Random, Video Games, Writing and tagged Art History, bad example, Derek Berry, fiction, humor, poetry, resume, satire, word salad, writing. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.