Derek Berry here, with the cultural news of the day.
Thrift Shops have taken over the clothing industry, with the popularity of Goodwill and Salvation Army on the rise. Brand-name stores, however, have not been amiss at the rise thrift shopping. Victoria’s Secret has opened its own thrift shop in its Miami location, and thousands have flocked to pay the same prices for less organization.
Teens and cougar moms waited outside the store for hours to snag the deals. Victoria’s Secret has introduced many new lines of clothing including “Thong with an awkward hole in it,” “Ironically Ugly Sweater Lingerie,” and “Bras that don’t quite fit right.” The Sweater Lingerie sold out within minutes, though no one bothered with the thongs which were shoved under the sweater lingerie in a metal-wire-mesh bin positioned directly in front of the entrance.
Other clothiers have adopted the trend by eschewing mannequins or even dressing them in mismatched outfits, drawing Salvador Dali moustaches onto their faces. American Eagle has considered changing its mascot to the Dodo Bird. President Michael Ennis comments, “Well, the Eagle is a stylish, mainstream bird that we didn’t want to be connected with any longer. Dodo’s? They’re extinct. There’s nothing as retro as being extinct.”
Abercrombie & Fitch clothing lines have attempted previous reboots, but apparently no one knows the difference between a moose and an elk.
Clothing stores have not been the only businesses affected by the
influx of thrift-shop-madness. Video stores have begun replacing their DVD and Blu-ray collections with VHS versions of various Tyler Perry films. Furniture renters such as La-Z Boy and Rooms-To-Go have opted to sell slightly broken tables and couches, lamps without any bulbs, and several variations of Praying Hands statuettes.
This is Derek Berry, with your cultural news report of the day. We will keep you updated on the culture as it changes, but for now go to your nearest Goodwill, buy shoes that are too tight, and keep “poppin’ tags.”